What are your intentions?
How's that for a broad question? I've been pondering this question since a conversation I had with a male friend recently. It's related to the age old question of "can a man and a woman really be friends?" I really believe it's possible -- only if there is a clear understanding of intentions. I'm more keenly aware of this after my convo with this friend.
It's true, at some point along the way, the convo will have to be had about "what's up between us?" and it's often times not had until too late. Someone has feelings and the other doesn't share the same feelings. So, someone ends up getting hurt. Most of the time, people have no idea how to handle these situations. People can be rude or indifferent.
So what do you do? Do you have the convo right of the gate after meeting someone? Like a kind of a pre-emptive strike thus avoiding any misunderstanding for confusion and risk having overreacted or making assumptions? (That was a ver long, run-on sentence I know.) I don't know the answer. I think it's different for each friendship. It really depends at where a person is in their journey.
I can tell you right now that clear communication is the key. For both people to know and understand the thinking of the other is truly beneficial. Sometimes a person just needs a friend and doesn't want any drama. And sometimes a person cares enough about the heart of the other to have the conversation so that both hearts are properly cared for. Here's the verse that keeps coming back to me:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23.
What a challenge!
This guy/girl friendship thing can be very sticky. I know that I have really good friendships with men, but some of tehm haven't been without confusion and misunderstandings along the way. Sometimes, time has to be taken away or awkward conversations have to take place. But in the end, most of the friendships have become a lot more solid.
I do think that everyone who has a friendship with the opposite sex has, at one time or another, asked themselves, "what if?" The challenge is to keep talking about it as awkward as it may be.
Getting back to intentions: I have to constantly evaluate what my intentions are. God really knows my heart and that it's not my intention to every manipulate a friendship with a guy to work it to my advantage (but sadly i'm sure I have done this).
To end on a positive note, I have had some really incrediblly fun times with my guy friends. Many of them are like brothers to me. They check in on me and want to know what's going on with me. They want to know what the Lord is doing in my life. They want to laugh with me and want me to be able to share my heart with them (as appropriate).
God has truly blessed me with wonderful friendship (both male and female).
So anyway, know your motives. Be aware of your intentions. The challenge is on.
Blessings, y'all.
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2 comments:
Well.. I've always made better friendships with women than romances, so my own experience dictates that it's very possible for men and women to be friends. We can't always just commune with members of our own gender. If a bro never hangs with a sis, then he's missing out on a world of perspective, experience and wisdom that only a woman can provide. And vice versa. Sure I've what-iffed about my woman friends, but the friendships have never been ruined as a result. I'll agree that it's always wise to guard your heart and your hormones, especially when a relationship is clearly a friendship. Should ever a friendship evolve, more power. But overstepping is unwise. We must all guard against that.
Johnny Boy,
I guess my point is that it IS possible to have guy/girl friendships. And I didn't mean to insinuate that you have to have a DTR every time you hang out with the opposite sex. I guess, if there's a pattern of one on one time and it could be construed as "more", then it's necessary. Anyway, like I said, it's best to know your motives/intentions.
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