I'm different than I was 10 years ago. I guess most people can say that. I wonder how it is that some couples get married when they're in their early 20's and stay together. My parents did it. Well, my mom was 21 and my dad was 26, but still.
When I think back to how I handled myself in certain situations, I cringe. My self now hurts for my self then. I was so willing to make other people happy at my expense. This played out in certain relationships that went on way too long. I guess most would say that I totally dodge a bullet and the Lord certainly protected me.
A situation came up recently where I could have easily gone back down that path I was familiar with, but I'm stronger now. I feel like I actually have learned something in 10 years. I won't allow myself to compromise my happiness, emotional well being for someone else's.
To most of you this is probably a bit cryptic. And that's okay. There are those of you who know exactly what I'm writing about and hopefully you will be encouraged and proud of me! It's progress, y'all.
The Lord has healed some hurts from the past and I know there's good stuff in store.
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Questions
So I saw a mutual friend posted these questions that John Wesley asked himself every day. They are questions definitely worth asking:
1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3. Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?
4. Can I be trusted?
5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying or self-justifying?
7. Did the Bible live in me today?
8. Do I give it time to speak to me every day?
9. Am I enjoying prayer?
10. When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?
11. Do I pray about the money I spend?
12. Do I go to bed on time and get up on time?
13. Do I disobey God in anything?
14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
17. How do I spend my spare time?
18. Am I proud?
19. Do I thank God that I am not like other people?
20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard?
21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?
22. Is Christ real to me?
1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3. Do I confidentially pass on to another what was told to me in confidence?
4. Can I be trusted?
5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work or habits?
6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying or self-justifying?
7. Did the Bible live in me today?
8. Do I give it time to speak to me every day?
9. Am I enjoying prayer?
10. When did I last speak to someone else about my faith?
11. Do I pray about the money I spend?
12. Do I go to bed on time and get up on time?
13. Do I disobey God in anything?
14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
17. How do I spend my spare time?
18. Am I proud?
19. Do I thank God that I am not like other people?
20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard?
21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?
22. Is Christ real to me?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
God's Love - it's a jealous kind of love
here's what I e-mailed my small group this morning. thought it was worth posting here too!
*****
So interestingly enough, at Charlotte One last night, a lot of Stuart Hall's message had to do with God's "jealousy" of us. He even brought in the story of Hosea and Gomer. Coincidence? I think not! (For those of you not at small group on Monday, we had a lot of discussion around how the Holy Spirit "envies intensely" when we give anything in our lives precidence over the Lord. I'm telling you guys, this is the stuff like that makes me keenly aware of the realness of our God. Perhaps this is a message that really needed to be heard a couple of times!
And then that verse from James 4 keeps coming back to me "but He gives MORE grace." (emphasis added by me)
We sang this song last night Oh How He Loves Us which was written by John Mark McMillan. This guy writes some amazing lyrics. Here are the verses.
NOTE THE FIRST LINE!!! Crazy how it went with small group....and then the message last night. Crazy cool in my opinion.
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen* died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause.. (back to chorus).
*By the way, Stephen was a follower of Christ, an early Christian, who was stoned for his faith.
*****
So interestingly enough, at Charlotte One last night, a lot of Stuart Hall's message had to do with God's "jealousy" of us. He even brought in the story of Hosea and Gomer. Coincidence? I think not! (For those of you not at small group on Monday, we had a lot of discussion around how the Holy Spirit "envies intensely" when we give anything in our lives precidence over the Lord. I'm telling you guys, this is the stuff like that makes me keenly aware of the realness of our God. Perhaps this is a message that really needed to be heard a couple of times!
And then that verse from James 4 keeps coming back to me "but He gives MORE grace." (emphasis added by me)
We sang this song last night Oh How He Loves Us which was written by John Mark McMillan. This guy writes some amazing lyrics. Here are the verses.
NOTE THE FIRST LINE!!! Crazy how it went with small group....and then the message last night. Crazy cool in my opinion.
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen* died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
...They want to tell me You're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause.. (back to chorus).
*By the way, Stephen was a follower of Christ, an early Christian, who was stoned for his faith.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Thoughts from Sunday
So Bruce was talking about giving yesterday -- not just about money, but of your time, of yourself. And the motive not being about what it can get you, but more of giving as an outpouring of the passion that God has instilled in you.
A couple of things I jotted down were:
"Until your heart is captivated by gratitude, you will wait." You will just sit around and let life pass you by until you tap into that passion that resides within and it motivates you to act.
"What would be too much?" How much giving is too much? I'll let you ponder that one.
"You've got to get your passion." "You've got to know who you are."
Amen and amen. I'm still processing, but this resonates with me. I'm on the path to discovery...
A couple of things I jotted down were:
"Until your heart is captivated by gratitude, you will wait." You will just sit around and let life pass you by until you tap into that passion that resides within and it motivates you to act.
"What would be too much?" How much giving is too much? I'll let you ponder that one.
"You've got to get your passion." "You've got to know who you are."
Amen and amen. I'm still processing, but this resonates with me. I'm on the path to discovery...
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Today
C.S. Lewis, from A Grief Observed
"... Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be — or so it feels — welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once. And that seeming was as strong as this. What can this mean? Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?"
"... Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be — or so it feels — welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once. And that seeming was as strong as this. What can this mean? Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?"
Monday, March 31, 2008
Beloved
On what is truly a Monday, I needed to read this:
Since Before the Foundations of the World
O Living Flame of Love . . . How gently and how lovingly Thou wakest in my bosom, where alone thou secretly dwellest; And in Thy sweet breathing full of grace and glory how tenderly Thou fillest me with Thy love.
These words, penned by St. John of the Cross in his book Living Flame of Love, capture the heart-cry of every soul for intimacy with God. For this we were created and for this we were rescued from sin and death. In Ephesians, Paul lets us in on a little secret: We’ve been more than noticed. God has pursued us from farther than space and longer ago than time. God has had us in mind since before the Foundations of the World. He loved us before the beginning of time, has come for us, and now calls us to journey toward him, with him, for the consummation of our love.
Who am I, really? The answer to that question is found in the answer to another: What is God’s heart toward me, or, how do I affect him? If God is the Pursuer, the Ageless Romancer, the Lover, then there has to be a Beloved, one who is the Pursued. This is our role in the story.
In the end, all we’ve ever really wanted is to be loved. “Love comes from God,” writes St. John. We don’t have to get God to love us by doing something right—even loving him. “This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Someone has noticed; someone has taken the initiative. There is nothing we need to do to keep it up, because his love for us is not based on what we’ve done, but who we are: His Beloved. “I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me” (Song 7:10).
(The Sacred Romance , 97–98)
Since Before the Foundations of the World
O Living Flame of Love . . . How gently and how lovingly Thou wakest in my bosom, where alone thou secretly dwellest; And in Thy sweet breathing full of grace and glory how tenderly Thou fillest me with Thy love.
These words, penned by St. John of the Cross in his book Living Flame of Love, capture the heart-cry of every soul for intimacy with God. For this we were created and for this we were rescued from sin and death. In Ephesians, Paul lets us in on a little secret: We’ve been more than noticed. God has pursued us from farther than space and longer ago than time. God has had us in mind since before the Foundations of the World. He loved us before the beginning of time, has come for us, and now calls us to journey toward him, with him, for the consummation of our love.
Who am I, really? The answer to that question is found in the answer to another: What is God’s heart toward me, or, how do I affect him? If God is the Pursuer, the Ageless Romancer, the Lover, then there has to be a Beloved, one who is the Pursued. This is our role in the story.
In the end, all we’ve ever really wanted is to be loved. “Love comes from God,” writes St. John. We don’t have to get God to love us by doing something right—even loving him. “This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Someone has noticed; someone has taken the initiative. There is nothing we need to do to keep it up, because his love for us is not based on what we’ve done, but who we are: His Beloved. “I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me” (Song 7:10).
(The Sacred Romance , 97–98)
Thursday, March 06, 2008
I have a lot to say today
So bear with me. I'll put it in different posts because the thoughts are all over the place: reflections on Charlotte One, music, spiritual stuff, etc.
I'll start with this:
Last night I was chatting with my friend Lisa who is going through a tough time. I shared some of my current "stuff" and we vowed to pray for each other. This morning, I get to work, sit down and open my e-mail. As I'm scrolling through, a new email pops up from Lisa. Her email included a devotional that is for today, March 6. It is amazing how appropo it is to her life and to mine -- and really to any of us who are waiting on the Lord.
March 6
"Behold I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard. I cry aloud, but there is no judgment." Job 19:7
When God seems indifferent, He is often most concerned. We may imagine that He does not care, when He permits us to pass through affliction, grief, and sorrow. Our prayers may seem to be unheard. The heavens appear to be brass above us. But all the time He is looking down upon us in sympathy and compassion, as to magnify His grace and glorify His name. He is actively engaged on our behalf even when we as yet fail to realize it. What is needed is that we learn not only to wait on Him in faith, but to wait for Him in patience.
"God's no means something better
I can trust Him with my all
The God who formed the universe
Attendeth when I call
And when in love and wisdom
He withholds my heart's request
His no means something better
He will give me what is best
God's wait a while's bring blessings
That His right away's withhold
When He's tried me in the fire
I shall then come forth as gold
Oh, what peace it brings in sorrow
And what comfort fills my breast
Just to know, whate'er His answer
He will give me what is best!
I'll start with this:
Last night I was chatting with my friend Lisa who is going through a tough time. I shared some of my current "stuff" and we vowed to pray for each other. This morning, I get to work, sit down and open my e-mail. As I'm scrolling through, a new email pops up from Lisa. Her email included a devotional that is for today, March 6. It is amazing how appropo it is to her life and to mine -- and really to any of us who are waiting on the Lord.
March 6
"Behold I cry out of wrong, but I am not heard. I cry aloud, but there is no judgment." Job 19:7
When God seems indifferent, He is often most concerned. We may imagine that He does not care, when He permits us to pass through affliction, grief, and sorrow. Our prayers may seem to be unheard. The heavens appear to be brass above us. But all the time He is looking down upon us in sympathy and compassion, as to magnify His grace and glorify His name. He is actively engaged on our behalf even when we as yet fail to realize it. What is needed is that we learn not only to wait on Him in faith, but to wait for Him in patience.
"God's no means something better
I can trust Him with my all
The God who formed the universe
Attendeth when I call
And when in love and wisdom
He withholds my heart's request
His no means something better
He will give me what is best
God's wait a while's bring blessings
That His right away's withhold
When He's tried me in the fire
I shall then come forth as gold
Oh, what peace it brings in sorrow
And what comfort fills my breast
Just to know, whate'er His answer
He will give me what is best!
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Depression
So lately I've been interested in learning (or re-learning) about the Great Depression. Since I work in the subprime lending industry, one can't get away from negative thoughts about the economy. I've seen movies that depict what life was like back in the 10 years of the depression, but it's hard to imagine what it was really like. Men in business suits were standing in soup/bread lines. These same men stood in groups early in the morning at employment agencies hoping to get a day's work in to be able to feed their family for that day. How far are we from similar situations? I found this article to be interesting. This author discusses some of the causes of the Great Depression.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Intentions
What are your intentions?
How's that for a broad question? I've been pondering this question since a conversation I had with a male friend recently. It's related to the age old question of "can a man and a woman really be friends?" I really believe it's possible -- only if there is a clear understanding of intentions. I'm more keenly aware of this after my convo with this friend.
It's true, at some point along the way, the convo will have to be had about "what's up between us?" and it's often times not had until too late. Someone has feelings and the other doesn't share the same feelings. So, someone ends up getting hurt. Most of the time, people have no idea how to handle these situations. People can be rude or indifferent.
So what do you do? Do you have the convo right of the gate after meeting someone? Like a kind of a pre-emptive strike thus avoiding any misunderstanding for confusion and risk having overreacted or making assumptions? (That was a ver long, run-on sentence I know.) I don't know the answer. I think it's different for each friendship. It really depends at where a person is in their journey.
I can tell you right now that clear communication is the key. For both people to know and understand the thinking of the other is truly beneficial. Sometimes a person just needs a friend and doesn't want any drama. And sometimes a person cares enough about the heart of the other to have the conversation so that both hearts are properly cared for. Here's the verse that keeps coming back to me:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23.
What a challenge!
This guy/girl friendship thing can be very sticky. I know that I have really good friendships with men, but some of tehm haven't been without confusion and misunderstandings along the way. Sometimes, time has to be taken away or awkward conversations have to take place. But in the end, most of the friendships have become a lot more solid.
I do think that everyone who has a friendship with the opposite sex has, at one time or another, asked themselves, "what if?" The challenge is to keep talking about it as awkward as it may be.
Getting back to intentions: I have to constantly evaluate what my intentions are. God really knows my heart and that it's not my intention to every manipulate a friendship with a guy to work it to my advantage (but sadly i'm sure I have done this).
To end on a positive note, I have had some really incrediblly fun times with my guy friends. Many of them are like brothers to me. They check in on me and want to know what's going on with me. They want to know what the Lord is doing in my life. They want to laugh with me and want me to be able to share my heart with them (as appropriate).
God has truly blessed me with wonderful friendship (both male and female).
So anyway, know your motives. Be aware of your intentions. The challenge is on.
Blessings, y'all.
How's that for a broad question? I've been pondering this question since a conversation I had with a male friend recently. It's related to the age old question of "can a man and a woman really be friends?" I really believe it's possible -- only if there is a clear understanding of intentions. I'm more keenly aware of this after my convo with this friend.
It's true, at some point along the way, the convo will have to be had about "what's up between us?" and it's often times not had until too late. Someone has feelings and the other doesn't share the same feelings. So, someone ends up getting hurt. Most of the time, people have no idea how to handle these situations. People can be rude or indifferent.
So what do you do? Do you have the convo right of the gate after meeting someone? Like a kind of a pre-emptive strike thus avoiding any misunderstanding for confusion and risk having overreacted or making assumptions? (That was a ver long, run-on sentence I know.) I don't know the answer. I think it's different for each friendship. It really depends at where a person is in their journey.
I can tell you right now that clear communication is the key. For both people to know and understand the thinking of the other is truly beneficial. Sometimes a person just needs a friend and doesn't want any drama. And sometimes a person cares enough about the heart of the other to have the conversation so that both hearts are properly cared for. Here's the verse that keeps coming back to me:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23.
What a challenge!
This guy/girl friendship thing can be very sticky. I know that I have really good friendships with men, but some of tehm haven't been without confusion and misunderstandings along the way. Sometimes, time has to be taken away or awkward conversations have to take place. But in the end, most of the friendships have become a lot more solid.
I do think that everyone who has a friendship with the opposite sex has, at one time or another, asked themselves, "what if?" The challenge is to keep talking about it as awkward as it may be.
Getting back to intentions: I have to constantly evaluate what my intentions are. God really knows my heart and that it's not my intention to every manipulate a friendship with a guy to work it to my advantage (but sadly i'm sure I have done this).
To end on a positive note, I have had some really incrediblly fun times with my guy friends. Many of them are like brothers to me. They check in on me and want to know what's going on with me. They want to know what the Lord is doing in my life. They want to laugh with me and want me to be able to share my heart with them (as appropriate).
God has truly blessed me with wonderful friendship (both male and female).
So anyway, know your motives. Be aware of your intentions. The challenge is on.
Blessings, y'all.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Timely
A friend here at work sent this to me today. I love it when the Lord ministers to me through others. He really is pretty good at this being in control thing. This devotion is from the Purpose Driven Life daily devotional.
******
As Quiet As A Child
2008/02/20
I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD — now and always. (Psalms 131:1b-3 NLT)
Today’s devotional actually comes from my sister, a godly woman and serious prayer warrior. She e-mailed this morning, saying she’d been thinking the peace of God that passes all understanding.
She said she’d spent some time meditating on Psalm 131 –
· Verse 1b – “… I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me ….” We are free to live out our purpose when we relinquish control of the things that don’t belong to us in the first place, such as worry about things over which we have no control, or trying to control something we have no business trying to control.
· Verse 2 – “But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother ….” I trust, even when the outcome seems a long way away. A nursing child wants attention now, but weaned child trusts and is content to wait.
· Verse 3 – “… Put your hope in the LORD — now and always.” We hope in the Lord with confident expectation. In other words, we truly believe he will answer our prayers, that he will respond, that he will get us through. You can declare confidently that the Lord will pave your way and walk with you and keep your feet from stumbling. He’s done it before, and he’ll do it again!
Praise God for his peace! It is through his peace that we can do all things – and endure so much. It is a peace that passes all understanding.
What now?
· Overly concerned – Is your peace undermined because you’re concerned about matters that are not even your responsibility? Or a matter over which you have absolutely no control? Ask God what should be on your "responsibility" list; ask him what items you should remove from your list. Psalm 131:1b – “I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me.”
· Prayer, but delayed gratification – Are you at peace because you have learned to trust God and wait? If not, ask God to reveal what makes you demand an immediate answer from him, and talk to him about what he reveals. Ask God to help you learn to trust him – and to wait. Psalm 131:2 – “But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me.”
· Confident expectation – When you say you hope in the Lord, then really hope in the Lord. Expect him to come through for you – at just the right time in just the right way. Psalm 131:3 – “O Israel, put your hope in the LORD — now and always.”
******
As Quiet As A Child
2008/02/20
I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD — now and always. (Psalms 131:1b-3 NLT)
Today’s devotional actually comes from my sister, a godly woman and serious prayer warrior. She e-mailed this morning, saying she’d been thinking the peace of God that passes all understanding.
She said she’d spent some time meditating on Psalm 131 –
· Verse 1b – “… I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me ….” We are free to live out our purpose when we relinquish control of the things that don’t belong to us in the first place, such as worry about things over which we have no control, or trying to control something we have no business trying to control.
· Verse 2 – “But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother ….” I trust, even when the outcome seems a long way away. A nursing child wants attention now, but weaned child trusts and is content to wait.
· Verse 3 – “… Put your hope in the LORD — now and always.” We hope in the Lord with confident expectation. In other words, we truly believe he will answer our prayers, that he will respond, that he will get us through. You can declare confidently that the Lord will pave your way and walk with you and keep your feet from stumbling. He’s done it before, and he’ll do it again!
Praise God for his peace! It is through his peace that we can do all things – and endure so much. It is a peace that passes all understanding.
What now?
· Overly concerned – Is your peace undermined because you’re concerned about matters that are not even your responsibility? Or a matter over which you have absolutely no control? Ask God what should be on your "responsibility" list; ask him what items you should remove from your list. Psalm 131:1b – “I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me.”
· Prayer, but delayed gratification – Are you at peace because you have learned to trust God and wait? If not, ask God to reveal what makes you demand an immediate answer from him, and talk to him about what he reveals. Ask God to help you learn to trust him – and to wait. Psalm 131:2 – “But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me.”
· Confident expectation – When you say you hope in the Lord, then really hope in the Lord. Expect him to come through for you – at just the right time in just the right way. Psalm 131:3 – “O Israel, put your hope in the LORD — now and always.”
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Closer
I went to church this morning and during the "worship" set, the band played an arrangement that combines "Deliver Me" by David Crowder Band and then "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie. It was beautiful. Something really resonated within me and the lyrics became mine. (Not to mention that Transatlanticsm is a kick arse song musically speaking.)
So, this afternoon I downloaded both songs and put them on my iPod so I could listen to them while I walked. Walks have become something of a refuge for me. I do a lot of thinking and praying during my walks. No other songs made it into the playlist for my walk. I kept backing them up and listening to them over and over. Something was stirring within. While Transatlanticism played in my ears, I found myself wiping tears away and sniffling (hoping other walkers wouldn't notice) and praying to God, "I need you so much closer. So Come on." Here are some of the lyrics from the song:
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
So come on, come on
So come on, come on.
I know this song is about a human relationship, but for me the song is easily translated to the relationship to Christ that someof us struggle with from time to time. Those of us who are believers know that every now and again we feel distance in that relationship. I know that my footstep's rhythm to Christ's door are not silenced forevermore and the distance to Him isn't insurmountable, but sometimes the steps towards Him aren't taken enough or even at all.
Interestingly enough, this morning when Bruce was preaching on anger, I found myself thinking that it offered me nothing. I kind of zoned out after awhile. Then this evening while I was walking, I started owning up to some of the anger and frustrations I have about situations in my life. The tears kept flowing. I need to know that he really does bind up the brokenhearted.
So, God, I need you so much closer.
Here are the lyrics from the other much repeated song:
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me
Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through
Enough said.
The night ended by having some good, encouraging conversations with friends. I'm blessed and I do know that He does pull us through the disappointments of life by bringing joy from unexpected places.
Here's a verse that a very good friend put in a card to me last week. Let this reside in your mind and let it penetrate your heart today:
"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
So, this afternoon I downloaded both songs and put them on my iPod so I could listen to them while I walked. Walks have become something of a refuge for me. I do a lot of thinking and praying during my walks. No other songs made it into the playlist for my walk. I kept backing them up and listening to them over and over. Something was stirring within. While Transatlanticism played in my ears, I found myself wiping tears away and sniffling (hoping other walkers wouldn't notice) and praying to God, "I need you so much closer. So Come on." Here are some of the lyrics from the song:
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
So come on, come on
So come on, come on.
I know this song is about a human relationship, but for me the song is easily translated to the relationship to Christ that someof us struggle with from time to time. Those of us who are believers know that every now and again we feel distance in that relationship. I know that my footstep's rhythm to Christ's door are not silenced forevermore and the distance to Him isn't insurmountable, but sometimes the steps towards Him aren't taken enough or even at all.
Interestingly enough, this morning when Bruce was preaching on anger, I found myself thinking that it offered me nothing. I kind of zoned out after awhile. Then this evening while I was walking, I started owning up to some of the anger and frustrations I have about situations in my life. The tears kept flowing. I need to know that he really does bind up the brokenhearted.
So, God, I need you so much closer.
Here are the lyrics from the other much repeated song:
Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me
CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing
Oh, deliver me
Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through
Enough said.
The night ended by having some good, encouraging conversations with friends. I'm blessed and I do know that He does pull us through the disappointments of life by bringing joy from unexpected places.
Here's a verse that a very good friend put in a card to me last week. Let this reside in your mind and let it penetrate your heart today:
"The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
Sunday, April 22, 2007
I forget
In the last week, I've heard two stories that have reminded me that the Gospel (the good news) of Jesus Christ actually has transforming power in people's lives.
First, I had dinner with my friends, J and S. S was not raised in any sort of religious environment. When she was 30 years old, she read a tract from the Billy Graham folks. In that moment after she finished, she recognized her sinful state and believed what she read in that simple little tract -- Jesus Christ came to seek and save the lost -- that he died so that she might live. She really believed. Her life changed. She still talks about that moment in her life and all I see in her eyes is love for this Savior. Upon listening to her share her story, I got chills and tears welled up in my eyes. He IS real. It is truth. He changed people. He changes people.
This morning, at the end of the service, a man stood up to read a letter from a missionary couple in Nairobi, Kenya. The letter started out by telling the recipients that they had a new daughter, Mary. Mary is a Kenyan woman, 26 years old. She was raised in a strict Muslim home. She has chosed to follow Christ. Apparently, upon finding out this news, her family tried to kill her! They beat her severely, but she managed to escape. Now, she has no contact with her family. This was 2 years ago. Mary struggles with the separation she feels from her "real" family. This missionary couple who shared Christ with her, has taken her in as their daughter. Not long ago, on the 2nd anniversary of her beating, she sat on a bench near a shopping mall praying. She asked God why there had to be this separation. What was her purpose as a Christian? When Mary opened her eyes, sitting next to her in full Muslim dress was a young woman. Mary sat there and shared with this young woman (known simply as "F") the message of Jesus Christ. The woman was open to the message Mary shared with her. That is where the letter ended. Mary went home that night feeling like God has answered her prayer. She was now able to share this one who had changed her life with others!
The letter then had an additional note. The missionary had added a post script. This young lady, "F", had made a decision to follow Christ. She said it was the first time she had known peace.
It's amazing. I have been a Christian so long that I've forgotten what it really means. Tonight I thanked God for restoring some of the wonder of it all. I want the awe of the gospel to return to my life. It does change people.
"To those who believe, He is precious.." I Peter 2:7
First, I had dinner with my friends, J and S. S was not raised in any sort of religious environment. When she was 30 years old, she read a tract from the Billy Graham folks. In that moment after she finished, she recognized her sinful state and believed what she read in that simple little tract -- Jesus Christ came to seek and save the lost -- that he died so that she might live. She really believed. Her life changed. She still talks about that moment in her life and all I see in her eyes is love for this Savior. Upon listening to her share her story, I got chills and tears welled up in my eyes. He IS real. It is truth. He changed people. He changes people.
This morning, at the end of the service, a man stood up to read a letter from a missionary couple in Nairobi, Kenya. The letter started out by telling the recipients that they had a new daughter, Mary. Mary is a Kenyan woman, 26 years old. She was raised in a strict Muslim home. She has chosed to follow Christ. Apparently, upon finding out this news, her family tried to kill her! They beat her severely, but she managed to escape. Now, she has no contact with her family. This was 2 years ago. Mary struggles with the separation she feels from her "real" family. This missionary couple who shared Christ with her, has taken her in as their daughter. Not long ago, on the 2nd anniversary of her beating, she sat on a bench near a shopping mall praying. She asked God why there had to be this separation. What was her purpose as a Christian? When Mary opened her eyes, sitting next to her in full Muslim dress was a young woman. Mary sat there and shared with this young woman (known simply as "F") the message of Jesus Christ. The woman was open to the message Mary shared with her. That is where the letter ended. Mary went home that night feeling like God has answered her prayer. She was now able to share this one who had changed her life with others!
The letter then had an additional note. The missionary had added a post script. This young lady, "F", had made a decision to follow Christ. She said it was the first time she had known peace.
It's amazing. I have been a Christian so long that I've forgotten what it really means. Tonight I thanked God for restoring some of the wonder of it all. I want the awe of the gospel to return to my life. It does change people.
"To those who believe, He is precious.." I Peter 2:7
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
HI
It's 7am. I should be in the shower. I just felt like posting a little 'hello" to all of you blog readers out there. Today should be about 80 degrees in Charlotte. My last day to wear spring clothes for a few days. I hear Easter is going to be COLD. Why is it that meteorologists are usually wrong all the time when they predict snow, but when they predict ANYTHING else, they're right on? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Hope all of you have lovely days. I'm praying I'll be hopefull, optimistic and content today. What are you hoping for?
Hope all of you have lovely days. I'm praying I'll be hopefull, optimistic and content today. What are you hoping for?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Thought for the day
If He wasn't thinking about me, I wouldn't exist.
"For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist."
"For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist."
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
The thing with Christians
So well put by Sheldon Vanauken in his book A Severe Mercy:
The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians -- when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in their complacent consecration, when they are narrove and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths. But, though it is just to condemn some Christians for these things, perhaps, after all, it is not just, though very easy, to condemn Christianity itself for them. Indeed, there are impressive indications that the positive quality for joy is Christianity -- and possibly nowhere else. If that were certain, it would be proof of a very high order.
The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians -- when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in their complacent consecration, when they are narrove and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths. But, though it is just to condemn some Christians for these things, perhaps, after all, it is not just, though very easy, to condemn Christianity itself for them. Indeed, there are impressive indications that the positive quality for joy is Christianity -- and possibly nowhere else. If that were certain, it would be proof of a very high order.
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